Saturday, January 31, 2009

I Have Friends In Hebrew!!! 28/1/09

I have reached one of the most important milestones that a new immigrant to any place can reach. I have friends in Hebrew. They are real friends and not just people that I smile at during class while I sit alone too afraid and uncomfortably to really talk to. We hang out outside of class. We talk on the phone. We share things. We are real friends- and our only common language is not my mother tongue. It is relatively easy to reach a level of fluency where casual conversation with random people is possible or where grocery shopping isn’t a nightmare or where the bus drivers know what you are asking them. The next big step is being able to understand most of what you see or hear or read. That comes with a bit more effort and makes life so much easier. But to bridge the final gap that is more mental and cultural than anything else is where the real challenge lies.

Bar Ilan has a very large Anglo population. If I wanted, I could make a group of English speaking friends and only speak Hebrew in my actual classes. I speak English at home with David so there was no opportunity for me to practice before school started. Fortunately, I am in a department with no other native English speakers. There are some who were born here whose parents are American and who speak English fluently but they are Israeli’s and I didn’t realize they spoke English until months into the program. I entered a situation where it was either speak Hebrew or be lonely. I decided to just suck it up and speak Hebrew. It is such an amazing feeling when I realize that I spend entire days conversing and learning in the language that I have spent so much time and effort trying to learn. (Tip for potential Olim, Uplan is not a burden, it is the key to successful and easy absorption and it is a mistake to put it off.) I feel like I have really achieved something and I am so excited. My friends didn’t blink twice when they heard my accent or my sometimes halted speech. They just continued to talk to me as if nothing was strange. They correct me now and again for my benefit, but for the most part we have a completely normal relationship. It just makes me so happy and proud of myself. I no longer feel even a little bit left out of the world that I live in and now I really truly feel at home.

The only downside is that I am starting to lose my English. A friend told me that he heard that you can’t really learn a new language completely until you forget your mother tongue. Only then can you start to re-learn both languages at a truly fluent level. Well, I am at the stage of forgetting. Sometimes I can only think of a word in Hebrew and forget the English completely. The worst is when I know what I want to say but I can’t think of the exact word in either language. Then I feel completely lost. I am trying to keep up my reading in English but it only helps a little. David is useless in this matter because his English is much worse than mine and it is steadily declining the more he is in the army and has no opportunity to use English ever. Today I was giving a presentation on a paper I had written in Hebrew, but to be cute I wanted to say part of it in English since I had written about the US. In the middle I couldn’t think of a term and switched automatically back into Hebrew. It was really scary. I know that its just part of the normal process, but I hope that along with my gains in my new language my losses from my old won’t be too great.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

New Year

**Disclaimer: I’m in bed sick with a sinus infection gone bad. I apologize in advance if some of the things I write don’t make complete sense. My brain is functioning on cold meds… but I couldn’t sit here anymore and not write anything.**

I just want to start out by stressing that David and I are both safe and sound. He is very busy in the army, but due to the nature of his job he is not and will not be fighting in any front lines. His unit is working in shifts so he is even able to come home relatively often to catch up on sleep and see me. We live in a city near Tel Aviv that is (for now at least) out of the range of the rockets coming in from Gaza.

It’s been a strange and surreal week and transition into the new year. It is surreal mostly because I am so far away from it all. I live too far away from Gaza to hear anything but the occasional jet flying overhead from one of the air force bases in the area. For all intents and purposes my life is going on completely normally. The main connection that I have to the war is the radio. They are announcing whenever there are sirens sounding in communities in the south. My only real picture of what it is like there is to read the news and to listen to the frequency of the sirens. It was the same way during the Second Lebanon War. I was in Jerusalem, and if I hadn’t been an informed citizen or hadn’t had a cousin fighting up there I would have had no idea that a war was on.

I’m not really sure what it is really that I am feeling or what it is that I mean to say. I pray and I hope with all of my being that this government doesn’t make the same mistakes it made two years ago. I hope we finish this fight and leave when we are ready and have fully achieved our goals to bring real security to the South. Last time, the government agreed on a cease-fire that brought us nothing because Hezbollah is still rearming and gathering strength on our Northern Border and UNIFIL is doing nothing to stop them. I hope that our soldiers are not going in and risking their lives for nothing. I am very scared for them. At this point in my life almost all of my friends are in the army. Most of them I know are not in Gaza itself, but there are many that I am not sure where they are or what they are doing. The scariest thing, I think is not knowing. I’ve been sitting at home (sick) for the last almost week and have been doing nothing but scouring the news for more and more information. Especially now that the ground incursion has started I listen to the news with bated breath and am relieved every time there is no report of new injuries.

It’s scary and upsetting the thought that we’re at war, but if we really can bring real quiet and security to the entire Southern part of the country then it is all worth it. We deserve the same right to self-defense that every other sovereign nation in the world deserves. I am proud that we are exercising it and pray the world will allow us to defend ourselves. The New Year passed here with little to no notice. Hopefully it will bring with it a new reality. Hopefully Israel can reassert its deterrence capability. Hopefully we can rid our borders of terrorists who’s goal is to destroy us.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Bureaucracy Rant 14/12/08

I’m sure I wrote a similar post over a year ago…but here we go again: the bureaucratic process in this country is absolutely unbelievable and only minimally tolerable. Since the wedding I have been dealing with government agencies non-stop. I had really thought that I was at the end of it all once I had finished dealing with all of the pre-wedding mess! As it turns out, all of the agencies with whom I had been previously dealing (Absorption Ministry, Student Authority, Interior Ministry, Housing Ministry) decided that once I got married I magically became a new entity and had to restart most of the processes I thought I had finished over a year ago. What have I been doing over the past while? First step was to get from the Religious Council in Efrat (where we registered the wedding info) our marriage document, which proves our marriage and affords me legal name change capabilities. I took that document to the Interior Ministry to get a new Identity Card and update my name in my “Passport” (I still travel on a temporary travel document—which they keep offering to renew for free…). Once things get updated in the Interior Ministry’s computer that’s when things start going wrong. I went to the Student Authority to register for this school year’s financial assistance (aka full tuition for all Immigrants). I brought all of the documents that I thought I would need. Everything was going great until she realized that I was newly married. I was told that I could not file for the money until I was updated in the system of the Absorption Ministry (the parent office), turned in an updated bank account statement that proves that my husband and I share a bank account (what if I wanted a separate account?!?), and filled out a direct WITHDRAWL form with the university. So off I went to take care of this long list of things.

It turned out that I had to move my bank from Jerusalem to Givat Shmuel because in Israel, unless you are at your branch, the only transaction you can do is withdraw or deposit money. They can’t even look up your account info. SO it took a few weeks for the papers to transfer and for David to be able to sign on it. Then I was able to get my new statement and the direct withdrawal form. In the meantime, David and I bought a car (she’s SO pretty). In order to reap the Immigrant Benefits I had to send literally every piece of Israeli (and some American) documentation to the Tax Authority. The process was supposed to take a few days but ended up taking weeks. One of the documents was my Immigrant Document—which it a MUST for the Absorption Ministry. While the Tax Authority was taking its time, my appointment with the Absorption Ministry came around. I didn’t have my document back so I called 4 days before to confirm that I could still come. The woman on the phone said that as long as I had my I.D card I would be fine. So I schlepped into Petach Tikvah and waited my turn. When the woman I sat with realized that I didn’t have my Immigrant Document as well she started yelling at me for wasting everyone’s time by coming without that vital packet of information (which could be looked up using my ID number, but they are stupid at government offices, what can ya do?) I started yelling back that I had called specifically to make sure I could still come and after arguing with me for 5 minutes the woman asked me what day I had called. Turns out that the woman who was on duty that day was new and didn’t know better. Awesome right? So I made a new appointment, which didn’t come out until the next month, and decided to wait for my money. [By the way, that same afternoon I got a call from the dealership telling me that the Tax Authority had just delivered my papers.]

A month later with all of my papers in hand I showed up at the Absorption Ministry again. This time I sat with a different woman. She was really dumb and could hardly read and typed so slowly it killed me. I was there for over 45 minutes to change my name, address, and bank account number. Literally. And she was the typical Russian worker who only kind of speaks Hebrew and spends most of your time with them schmoozing (yelling) in Russian to the other Russian ladies. It also means that if you are a Russian Immigrant you get much better treatment… So she is going on with my changes and when I tell her that I also need to hand in bank account update info (as per the request of the Student Authority) she told me that she doesn’t deal with anything to do with money and that I’ll have to make another appointment with someone else to update that information. I started arguing. As soon as I mentioned that it was for the Student Authority she said immediately “Oh, it’s for them? Sure I can take care of it for you.” Obviously. 45 Minutes later I was on my way. Ready to go to the Student Authority (almost) and ready to deal with my stopped rent subsidy. I am entitled to some form of rent assistance for 5 years. This is another one of those things that magically stops when you get married.

A few weeks ago David and I went to yet another office to file for our rent money. That really wasn’t so bad to be honest. I had already been through so many places in the last month that I had my file perfectly filled with all of the things I knew I would need. We just have to go back every year to sign again and show them our contract or else they stop payments. It seems that the government stops payments at any given opportunity, that way if people don’t notice that they aren’t getting money anymore the government saves. Gotta love fuzzy math!

Last week I collected the last remaining pieces of paper that I needed from the university and prepared myself to go to the Student Authority. I took a 10:10 bus from home into Tel Aviv. When I got there, I took a number when I came through security. By the time I made it to the floor of the offices there was hardly any space to move. The place was PACKED with students trying to secure their money. The number was to the first counter where the woman asked what you needed and then put you on a list to see various counselors based on your needs. When I got there, there were 25 people in front of me. It took almost an hour to be called to this first desk. When I did it took about 3 seconds and I was on a waiting list. About 20 minutes later it dawned on me that my name on my ID card and the name on my file was different. I asked the woman about it and she went to look for the file. After over 30 minutes of looking she couldn’t find it. She sent me to look in various stacks and boxes (g-d forbid anything be digital or in a filing cabinet). I couldn’t find it and started to get REALLY REALLY worried. In these agencies, the paper file is everything and they can’t function without it. Eventually they had their schlepper girl look for it and loe and behold it was in the place where it should have been in the first place. That minor heart attack aside, all I had to do was wait another hour and a half. FINALLY my turn came. It turns out that I hadn’t updated them since I dropped my minor, but since I hadn’t brought new documentation with me, and since I was taking the same number of class hours I just signed the form to get my money and left. Turns out I have to mail them (aka go back or they will never get it) each receipt to prove that the university actually took the money from my account that the government put in. Also I am signing that I understand that the gov. will deposit the money as they have it: aka, I have to pay and they will try to reimburse me. I was there for just over 3 hours.

Since the bus to get there comes once an hour I had to wait 40 minutes for the next bus. I spent about 20 in a mall because it was raining, and I spent the last 20 waiting at the stop because I wasn’t sure when the bus actually came and I REALLY did not want to miss it! By the time I got home I was exhausted and hungry, but I wasn’t done. I had to call my cellphone company to try to cancel an external service that I didn’t know I had that I really didn’t want. It took 4 phone calls to cancel the damn thing and in the end it took 3 seconds. Our Internet is also not working properly but I just don’t have the energy to deal with them right now, today. Instead I am letting out all of my frustration here.

Don’t get me wrong though. I might be complaining, but that doesn’t mean I regret for a second being here. This is just proof to my belief that if someone moves here because of any other reason other than that this is the only place in the world they want to be, they won’t be happy. As annoyed as I am this second, I still know that I made the right decision to move here. I love this place and some bureaucracy can’t make me hate it. But I would like to share some wisdom: patience, patience, and always bring every bit of documentation you can with you!!!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I Love My Daddy

My Dad was just here for a week to spend time with us and to be here for the Yoni Schiff’s Bar Mitzvah. It was wonderful to have him here for MANY reasons. First of all, it was a fantastic feeling that I have seen my dad on 3 separate occasions over the last 6 months. That’s more time than we’ve been able to spend together in the last few years. It was a really nice feeling knowing that I didn’t have to miss him so much because I would see him again so soon. Now I’m much more sad that he’s not around because with my school schedule and my parent’s busy lives (not to mention Seth who is probably busier than all of us combined) I’m not sure when our next reunion will be. It’s a hard thing saying goodbye to my parents each time. I don’t think it is something I will ever get used to.

It was great having my dad stay with us because it was the perfect opportunity for him to get an insight into our lives on a daily basis. It is really important for me that my parents understand what my life is like so we can all relate to each other. I am SO glad we got a 2-bedroom apartment so we are open to opportunities like this to have my parents as guests. It meant so much to me for him to spend some time with us that wasn’t centered around any specific event (except for the weekend.)

Another great thing about my dad being here, was that when he left, I didn’t feel like he was abandoning me or that I was being ripped from him (whether by my own choice or not is not the point), which I felt the last few times I parted with my parents. Instead I felt like I was in the right place. I had my schoolwork to attend to and my house to run and take care of. I felt that I was/am in my right place and it was totally normal for my dad to drop in and then leave. I’m not saying it was easy to say goodbye… but at the same time I can’t stop being excited about the life that I am building here and now and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I think that was something that was important for me to feel and important for my dad to see and experience. If I had to leave them at least it was to a place where I am truly happy. I love the home that David and I are building together and there is nowhere else in the world I would rather be and no one with whom I would rather build it. As much as this is something I have always known, until my dad left I hadn’t felt it so strong or clearly before. I am no longer a child who has left home alone. I am married woman who has moved on to my own home in the normal order of life. I am happy and I am flourishing and I am thrilled that my dad could be here to see it.

School is going GREAT! I absolutely love it and we’re already 5 weeks in! I chuckle to myself every time I think about the fact that I am getting a college degree for learning about Israel. I feel like its everything I ever wanted to know about Israel and Jewish history and more! I just wanted to gush… it is a wonderful feeling to also be settled in my studies especially since it has taken me so long to get here. I feel like I am finally on the right track and it simply feels great. I can’t wait to learn more and solidify my place for myself here even more. (AND my Hebrew is getting amazing!!!!!!!)

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I am Officially a University Student

Last week I (finally) started my studies at Bar Ilan University. I am studying Land of Israel Studies and Archaeology with a specialization in Archaeology. I will be learing a lot of Israeli History all the way through pre-history as well as the accompanying archaeology. I am SO excited. This is a subject that interests me deeply. When I was trying to figure out what in the world I wanted to study, I asked Seth for his advice. His answer (as most of his answers to my ridiculous questions) was: Just study something you like. I didn’t know what I liked. His answer was: Don’t you like Israel? Didn’t you move there because you love it so much? Maybe you should study that. Pretty miraculously a few days later I was talking to a friend who told me about the cool program at Bar Ilan. We went to check it out and within weeks I was registered. Parallel to the degree I am going to start learning to be a tour guide and will get an official Tour Guiding license from the government. Hopefully, after I graduate, and even while I’m still in school, I’ll be able to lead tours and get to spend the rest of my time hiking and visiting and seeing Israel all the time. It’s like a dream come true. I’ve always wanted to know all about all of the places I’ve ever been, and this past week I finally started my journey to that knowledge.

It is an amazing feeling being back on a college campus. I didn’t realize how much I missed the atmosphere until this week. There is something stimulating about being surrounded by hundreds of people who are all in the same general place in life as you and who are all striving toward a similar goal: The BA. The campus exudes a buzz and it is fun to just walk around or sit on the grass and watch people go by. It’s just a good feeling…especially since I have spent the last few months without anything “real” to do AND my computer was broken for most of the time! It’s nice to have a reason to get out of bed in the morning and now I have something to do in the evenings when I get home. I think it will also ease a bit of tension in mine and David’s relationship since I am no longer so dependant on him for my entertainment and companionship.

As much as I have been enjoying the beginning of school it is still very overwhelming. I am taking 13 classes for a total of 20 hours of class a week, and they are all in Hebrew. My Hebrew is at a high enough level that I can get by with no problem, but it is a daunting task to sit for 10 hours a day and listen to lectures in Hebrew. Some professors don’t speak loudly or clearly enough and I have a hard time. Fortunately the department I am in has a very open, uncompetitive atmosphere and everyone shares their notes with everyone else. I am sure that in the classes I am having a harder time in I will be able to get enough notes together to really understand. It’s a bit scarry and thrilling at the same time. I am really really going to college in Hebrew. I really can’t wait for things to continue and to really get into a routine, and I am just so happy to finally be a student again and on my way toward something big that will open up my future!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

I'm Back!

I'm Back! Sorry for the long hiatus, but since we've been back from the states (about a month and a half) my computer has been broken and I have been pretty much out of my usual communication circles. A lot has happened during the time that I was computerless so I figured I'd give a quick update.

Our trip to Houston after the wedding was great. It was so nice to be home and get to spend some more quality time with my family. Then of course Ike came along and messed up our plans a bit. We "survived" Hurricane Ike with fortunately very little damage. My parents didn't have electricity for 2 weeks but fortunately we were able to stay with friends during most of that time. David and I didn't get to take care of everything we had hoped to because most of the stores and offices we needed were closed due to the storm until after we left. It was hard and not so fun to not have electricity and to spend my last week at home in someone else's home but at the same time I'm glad we were there. I would have felt so guilty not being with my family while they prepared the house for the worst and then cleaned up after... not to mention how scared I would have been for their safety not knowing exactly what was happening to them! I'm also glad David got to experience it so that maybe he can begin to understand what it's like, and what it was like in Allison- a storm/flood that still haunts me. 

Since we've been back our time has been taken up mostly by the holidays. We spent most of the time with David's family. They are moving soon and I know it was important for David to celebrate the big ones one last time in the same place he has lived almost his entire life. Now I'm just waiting for school to start. I got the word about five minutes ago that the potential strike isn't happening and that school will start as scheduled!! YAYAYA!!! Since the chagim I have been taking care of things at home, practicing being a dutiful housewife (which is sometimes fun but mostly lonely), and doing a LOT of reading. I'm also knitting a blanket and cooking a bunch. Bottom line- I can't wait for school to start!!

I hope all is going well with all of you. Hopefully I can get back to a more routine posting schedule now that my computer is back!!! 

Monday, September 1, 2008

We FINALLY Got Married!!!!


David and I finally got married on Thursday August 14, 2008. After waiting what seemed like FOREVER and planning and organizing and anticipating it actually really happened. And it was a lot of fun. The entire evening seemed to go by in a blur. I remember things clearly but I felt like I was floating through it all. I think I finally snapped out of it at the end of the night and felt like “Woah. Is it over already?” I hardly tasted (or even saw for that matter) the food, but I heard it was yummy. I only noticed the flowers because the videographer’s sound guy was trying to put the microphone near the chuppah and one of the arrangements fell as I was on my way to David. Fortunately my reaction was to chuckle instead of getting upset. The Chuppah itself passed so quickly and felt like it wasn’t even happening. David kept smiling at me so I kept smiling at him and all I wanted to do was talk to him (which I did as much as I could). When it was all over and we were being danced to the Yichud room I felt like I was experiencing an outer body experience. I didn’t really feel like I was walking away from my chuppah…I was just floating and hoping that none of our friends would accidentally dance backward into a wall or a door or something.

In the Yichud room, away from all of the music and people, I finally came back to myself. I cried with relief and happiness. After almost 3 years together of a ridiculous relationship that still now we ask ourselves if we were out of our minds to try to make it work we FINALLY REALLY ACTUALLY got married. It was such a wonderful feeling when it hit me that my “struggle” to really get to spend the rest of my life with him was over. I had him. He was mine and I was his and we could really start OUR life together. It’s almost making me cry as I write this thinking about how good it all feels.

The dancing was wonderful. I only remember the fact that I danced so hard I could barely breathe most of the night. Fortunately I had good friends to bring me lots of water and a chair to sit on when I thought I was going to fall over. I didn’t dance with David as much as I had anticipated but it’s ok, I was so caught up in what was going on and whirling around me that I almost didn’t notice.

I also have wonderful, amazing friends. I had a complete entire table of friends that I had grown up with in the states who came to Israel to be at my wedding. Aside from the fact that it was wonderful to see them all again and together, it made me feel so loved that they all made the effort to be with me. It made the night so much more special. I had friends prepare a song for us and perform it in front of everyone. They are both in the army and it must have taken a lot of effort to find time to rehearse and plan. David’s friends performed “The Dance” that started as a wedding tradition for his high school class, then his yeshiva class, and then David introduced it to his unit. There were guys from all three places in David’s life dancing their hearts out for us. It was amazing.

The night was magical. I can’t describe it any other way. Nothing seemed to go wrong and at the end I was married so nothing else mattered.

To top it all off, we had a Shabbat Sheva Brachot with all of our family at the hotel right after the wedding. That was really the cherry on top. To see all sides of our families spending a Shabbat together and really getting to know each other and sit and chat was really beautiful. Even though it was two completely different families coming together probably for this weekend only, the harmony and happiness was tangible. We are so lucky to be blessed with such loving families and really enjoyed all of our time with them.

I am going to post some pictures but they are NOT the official photographer’s because I don’t have them yet. Hope this will give a taste of what it was like. There are also a ton on facebook and a few snapfish albums. Email me if you want more!